Spiritwater WIP breakdown

I'm going to start putting far more work into just thinking about art. It was a luxury I have not allowed myself in the past, but I'm tired of just being an art-producing machine. I want to be an art-thought machine as well.  I want to live like an artist, think art, rather than just produce. It means I'll be producing art product less and thought product more. This is my preferred mode, but I already live in poverty wages, so it's a hit.

I'll be putting these thought breakdowns in my $5 tier weekly for those interested.

Alright, here we go:

The idea I was working off of was the Jungian Shadow--the aspect of personality people orphan and which then lives in the unconscious and subconscious, as well as an interaction between body and spirit. 

In the past I have been terrifically discouraged with making artwork I care about. I always seem to fall flat in execution. WHY??? Why was I always failing when it came to a subject that stirred me?  

The answer, I think, is that I've become good at portraying subject-matter other people will pay for but the artwork that interests me requires more and different skill than I have. I fail because I am reaching farther and harder. My ability isn't there. 

Because I never felt like I had the luxury of time to work in this area without fear of income failure, I only ever feel disappointed when such a painting doesn't soar. I go back to what I know sells. I don't give myself time to build the new skill.

This WIP is very much one such example. The idea is there but I don't have the building blocks of execution. It therefore comes out as just a bad painting. Working on it will take an investment. My brain is so keyed into survival that the idea of thriving seems unattainable. This is true in all aspects of my life.  

I'm pretty bored with that and want to put in the work. I finally feel like I have some energy to spare. 

So getting down to the nitty-gritty of what I can employ in this image specifically, I believe I need to label this as mere theoretical groundwork, IE, I do not continue this specific image but build off of it into a new image. I'll mulch it. Compost it. Thinking of failed artwork as compost is a good way of reframing the negative into the positive. It's not that I didn't make a good image, but that I've felt around in a direction that didn't work out too brilliantly, so I have a better understanding of what I do want and need to  do. 

I know some people out there would look at this and say: Well, DUH!  It's a core skill. But it's a core skill my dysfunctional background did not teach me.

My future posts will detail better how I would rescue a specific image because I feel they are worth nurturing and not composting.