bardictype

Delivery For The Damned: On Extraterrestrials, because the word "Alien" is just rude

Added 2022-01-23 00:32:36 +0000 UTC

Pelosians are perhaps the most similar to humans of all known species, despite being from a different galaxy.

The Pelosian planet’s name, like ours, is the proper noun version of their word for “dirt.” Thus, if the name of their planet was translated into English . . . it would also be “Earth.” (“Tierra” in Spanish, etc.) Needless to say, this linguistical confusion complicated initial negotiations between humans and extraterrestrials, as no one could tell which planet was being referenced in the peace treaty’s paperwork.

Eventually, the name “Pelos” was chosen due to Not-Earth Earth’s swampier environment (“pelos” being the ancient Greek word for “mud”). None of Pelos's various natives names were considered as human diplomats lacked the requisite second set of vocal chords to speak any of Pelos’ six-hundred and five languages.

Pelosians are one of the few Outsider species who lived on Earth before The Great Collide. Most of these Earth-residing Pelosians work in the tourist industry, as Earth is considered to be more an excellent exotic vacation spot but not a particularly desirous place to reside due to its subpar wifi. Of the five other life-bearing planets which Pelosians have disclosed, Earth is considered to be the closest culturally to their own planet. In the words of one Pelosian travel agent: “Humans are charmingly accepting and endearingly oblivious. It’s easy to print all of Earth’s advisory information on a double-sided brochure. Everywhere else requires that travelers enroll in a four-week class to learn how to blend in with indigenous species. Whereas on Earth, you have to really screw up to draw any attention to yourself, like when Senator Vortilak’s daughter held her bachelorette party in New Mexico.”

Although previously content to go unnoticed, The Collide changed things for Pelosians. As with Banshees, Pelosians took advantage of the dimensional collision to formally introduce themselves to human governments under the banner of “Yes, we might be slightly different but at least we’re from your same dimension unlike those Demon dinguses currently attempting to conquer your planet.” Lightyears away suddenly seemed quite close when cities were being lost to literal Hell, and Pelosian thermal technology ended up being critical to forcing Demons to accept the 2005 Truce of Mumbai. In the War's aftermath, persistent rumors that the late Fred McFeely Rogers had been a Pelosian goodwill ambassador made even wary North America more welcoming towards their newfound (but not new) neighbors, and positive public opinion was solidified after Senator Vortilak issued a public apology to the population Roswell.

Outside of some explicit contraband artwork that slipped through intergalactic security and subsequently circulated on 4chan, the human public has very little knowledge of what Pelosians actually look like on their home planet, as Pelosians are shapeshifters who take on the biological form of humans. Pelosians claim that they would be unable to survive Earth’s atmosphere in their original shapes (or what they call their “first form,” Pelosians having little care over external appearance since it can be so easily changed). However, no one knows if this is true or whether Pelosians simply wish to present themselves as nonthreateningly human-like as possible.