As a masochist, I’m a long ways off from the Princess and the Pea. My skin needs a lot more than a teeny vegetable to make an impact. I’m a horrible marker. If you thrash me with a knobkerrie all weekend, I’ll wake up on Monday morni...
2025-01-05 11:31:25 +0000 UTC View PostWhen I first joined Fetlife, I would have defined the kink scene as “Literally the most terrifying thing I’ve ever encountered.” I’d seen Eyes Wide Shut, so I knew you all looked like Naomi Campbell and had black-tie orgies in super secret...
2025-01-02 11:38:19 +0000 UTC View PostOne of the most common errors I see in this workshop is the use of sentence fragments. These are sentences that don’t have a subject or verb. Put simply, they are incomplete sentences. Here are some examples:
Ran to the bakery to buy a cup...
2025-01-01 08:56:03 +0000 UTC View PostOne of poker players’ most damning conditions is known as “full tilt.” Either you’ve hit a massive winning streak and want to hold onto it so desperately that you make stupid decisions, or you’ve hit a massive losing streak that has the ...
2024-12-30 09:22:32 +0000 UTC View PostYou don’t really spot lions in Kruger. Nobody can spot lions, so we spot stationery cars. Then you sidle up next to them and say, “WHATDIDYOUSEEEEEEEEE???” and then they say, “Lions over theeeeeere!!!” and then you say, “WHEEEERRREEE?...
2024-12-29 07:33:29 +0000 UTC View PostBobbalicious the Princely Hound once developed a case of kennel cough. Over 30 hours, he was jabbed with syringes, poked with vet fingers, and stuck on scales. Through it all, he sat quietly conjuring up stillness. He didn’t bark. He didn’t gr...
2024-12-29 06:03:26 +0000 UTC View PostEarlier in the week, I included an excerpt from the Bad Sex in Fiction Awards. It went like this:
> She did it again and again, holding me with force and moving me to the rhythm of the surf. She wiggled her breasts beneath my...
2024-12-27 10:51:27 +0000 UTC View Post
Aquarius: You will almost certainly do a fair bit of walking from one place to another this year. A handsome stranger will spot you in a supermarket queue, but will probably not bother talking to you because that’s life. Sorry.
<... 2024-12-26 07:52:23 +0000 UTC View PostEvery year the literature scene gives out The Bad Sex in Fiction Awards. Here's one of the top contenders:
and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every mu...
2024-12-23 08:35:02 +0000 UTC View Post
I'm floating elegantly around the kitchen in my oh-so-casual little black dress. I delicately fetch a spoon from the drawer because “dating me” puts her dishes away neatly. Am I wearing underwear? Hell no. This is “dating me”, and she’s ...
2024-12-22 07:56:29 +0000 UTC View Post
Jackson was with us for a year and a half. He had a yuuuge fan club, so the volunteers had a farewell party before he went off to his forever home.
2024-12-21 05:38:37 +0000 UTC View PostQueequeg was the only reason I read Moby Dick. Did I care about the whales? Nope. Did I care who Ishmael was? Nope again. I cared about reading as much Queequeg dialogue as humanly possible.
Queequeg: Ishmael, what is soul?
Ishmael: Soul?...
I own a book called, “The Highly Selective Dictionary for the Extraordinarily Literate.” Here are some of the words it contains:
Epistolary
Sangfroid
Malefic
Detumescence.
Here are some of the words it does not&nb...
2024-12-19 06:44:15 +0000 UTC View PostAbstractions are the most useless words in fiction and poetry. Readers don’t feel or see words like “happy” or “beautiful”. They don’t have a visual component, so your reader must think extra hard to grasp what you’re saying. This is...
2024-12-18 09:01:28 +0000 UTC View PostIn any game of poker, there’s that one asshole at the table who bets every chip he has on every hand, even the losing ones. To most players, this is good news--if you play carefully, you can win a huge pot without even trying. Not me, though. I ...
2024-12-18 06:18:08 +0000 UTC View PostIdeas are the ink of the writing endeavor. Without them, we can bring nothing to the page, but every pen has a limited supply of ink. If ideas arrived in vast quantities, Hemingway would have written 50 books, not seven. J.D Salinger would never h...
2024-12-17 08:41:35 +0000 UTC View PostI wasn’t always a writer. Before I found poetry, I made visual art. To evolve, I had to learn to look at what was there, not what I thought was there. If I didn’t look properly, my art would fail. I learned the world is infinitel...
2024-12-17 08:40:16 +0000 UTC View PostIf you want to be a submissive, you must cultivate deference with these seven yoga exercises, this obedience class, and this daily writing task. Do them, and the movements of your body and pen will enhance the compliance of your mind. You will lea...
2024-12-15 17:14:27 +0000 UTC View PostOne of the volunteers sent this clip of her and Bosco.
2024-12-14 11:15:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Alfie knows his ears are his biggest asset, so he makes sure they're in a new position every time you take a photo. Heckin' sexy.
2024-12-14 09:02:28 +0000 UTC View PostEvil is inherent in the world. It might even be inherent in your characters, but a writer is a storyteller, not a moralist. Your job is to tell the audience what happened, and not what you, as a writer, think about what happened. You...
2024-12-14 08:55:41 +0000 UTC View PostIF YOU REALLY WANT TO HEAR about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield ki...
2024-12-13 07:21:35 +0000 UTC View Post
As you can see, she's the favouritist favourite at Tears right now. On the way to an outing. Heckin excellent.
2024-12-13 06:00:00 +0000 UTC View PostLet’s say you just opened a restaurant, and someone walks in asking for a free meal. You’re a nice guy, so you offer your best dish. The next day, two more freeloaders come in. You politely decline, but every day, more arrive in ever increasin...
2024-12-13 05:32:34 +0000 UTC View PostThe memoir is probably every new writer’s favourite genre. I’ve met a host of accountants and mathematicians who’ve decided they are writers purely on the basis of their “interesting lives”. The story, after all, has already been “writ...
2024-12-11 09:39:44 +0000 UTC View Post“Today I’m five. I was four last night going to sleep in Wardrobe, but when I wake up in Bed in the dark I’m changed to five, abracadabra. Before that I was three, then two, then one, then zero. “Was I minus numbers?” “Hmm?...
2024-12-10 07:50:30 +0000 UTC View Post
Despair is a liar. There is always hope, and you will find it in love.
Isolation breeds suicidal ideation. Secrets breed isolation. Sharing secrets brings healing.
Shame will kill you sooner than ...
2024-12-10 03:58:45 +0000 UTC View PostHave you ever gotten so absorbed in a book you forgot that reality even existed? You transmute your entire soul into the story and lose awareness that you were even reading. You barely even knew time was passing. This is one of fiction’s highest...
2024-12-09 06:23:34 +0000 UTC View Post